


in only a moment

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Gen, No Dialogue, reflections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 07:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10381767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: On board the Death Star, Leia soon learns how much her life can change in only a moment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so basically, leia's thoughts on alderaan's destruction. this is unbeta'd, hardly edited, raw writing that was more of a carthartic release of my own than an attempt at a good story, but i hope you enjoy this nonetheless!!

Leia Organa stood there in the aftermath, and she could not move. She could not breathe.  
She had been forced to observe the destruction of her planet, the massacre of her people, all because of her insolence and stubborn refusal to betray the rebellion.

The only remnants of Alderaan now were dust, a dust that would soon coat the entire galaxy. The ashes of her homeland would scatter far and wide. Her people, her family, all of the peaceful Alderaanians who lived on the planet never even had the dignity of a corpse, a funeral, a burial, a grave. They died in fear and they joined the void without any rememberance in this world, only nameless atoms drifting through space.

The bile rose in her throat. Somehow, she could not believe it. Alderaan was dead, and she would never be able to return. She never understood how much she loved her homeland until now. It had been taken from her, and now Leia had to live with the fact that memory was all which survived the blast.

She was ushered away from Vader and Tarkin by stormtroopers, and thrown back into her chamber. She thought she heard Tarkin demand her execution. A part of her, some ugly segment of her personality she had long buried, hoped it will proceed. With alderaan gone, and everything and everyone she had ever none now dead, what does she have to live for? Why should she go on? 

Ever since she had joined the Imperial Senate when she was only a teenager, she was complimented for her strength and confidence. Even as a child amidst the constant tragedy the empire wrought, she buried her fear and found her solace in leadership. commanding others left her little room to doubt or worry, and she preferred it that way. She did not shy away from guiding others despite the difficulty of the situations she was thrown in, and instead sought to solve the task at hand in the best manner possible. Her reputation was her pride.

Here, alone in her cell, she had no one to lead but herself. Her strength was gone, replaced by cowardice. Confident, powerful l  
Leia Organa was reduced to nothing. She could not think of any future for herself. The pain and the misery of her planet's destruction would always be with her, and at the moment it was too much to bear. She felt her heart beat quicker, and decided to lie down on her bunk. Perhaps this was all a nightmare, a traumatic reaction to the tortute inflicted on her earlier. If she could only wake up-

Now nausea overtook her. Not even an hour in, and she was willing to betray the memory of her people and her family to feel better? Leia knew she was one of the few who would truly grieve the loss of Alderaan in the galaxy. Many would lament over it, and of course the Rebellion would use it as fodder for why the empire must be stopped, but only other Alderaanians could understand the depth of her pain. The loss of her people, her homeland, her family, and everything she had ever known? She wanted to grieve more, sob harder, feel until her heart bursts, because no one else was grieving. The dead deserved greater ceremony than this; they deserved better than a teenage girl who wished to bury their memory for her own comfort.

She was just a teenage girl still. Suddenly, it consumed her, the realization that her parents are dead and would never return. Bail and Breha Organa no longer exist. They raised her since she was only a few days old, they had admitted proudly to her again and again. She had been a needy orphan and they were a powerful couple in want of a child. According to her father, the minute he laid eyes on her, he knew she was the one for him. Their openness and tenderness about her adoption had always been a source of comfort to her when she doubted herself. Her mother and father chose to raise her as their daughter, and they continued to make that choice until their death. 

Now, their death felt even crueler. Her father's affection for her twisted like a knife; he loved her as much as he could and she would never again know it. "Princess" and "sweetie" and "dear" and "Leia" that one tone of voice only her parents used... she would never have the privilege of hearing them again. Her mother and father were gone. She was a needy orphan for the second time in her life, and this time Bail Organa's benevolence could not save her.

Tt had been a zero sum game, even if she hadn't realized she was playing until it was too late. She refused to give up the hiding place of the rebels, even when tortured, and for that Alderaan was destroyed. If she had chosen to give up the rebellion, she might have indirectly saved her people, but at the price of inflicting more pain and suffering on the rest of the universe by giving the Imperials a leg up on their quest to destroy the Rebel Alliance. No matter if she had chosen differently, people would have suffered all the same.

Still, she wished so desparately that she could go back and change her decision and undue what has been done to her planet. Somehow, if she had just fought harder, or chosen differently, millions would still be alive, including her family. 

In that moment of self loathing, however, Leia Organa made a choice that would carry with her throughout the rest of her life. No matter what the circumstances of a different choice may have wrought, she would no longer blame herself for Alderaan's fate. If she was being fair to herself, she was placed in an impossible decision without any knowledge of the consequences of her actions on her home planet. Leia knew herself, and she knew that if she let it, this would weigh over her forever. And in that moment of misery, she decided with finality that she could not let it continue. 

Although she could not find a reason to live at the moment, she knew that holding on was most important. Losing her grip on the world would not bring alderaan back. Nothing she could do out of self loathing would accomplish anything meaningful besides continued suffering. Instead, she would remember Alderaan in her work in the Rebellion. Tt was too late for her people to be saved from such injustice, but she would fight to save other planets from similar destruction. She would fight, that no other person should feel the pain she felt at that moment after losing her entire world.

Although tears continued to fall down her cheeks, and her grief had only begun, Leia Organa promised herself that somehow, someway, she would get through this, and honor her home planet in the process. In her work, if nothing else, Alderaan would not be forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah! that happened. leia is really important to me, so when i couldn't find fic about her reaction to alderaan's destruction (which i've always felt really strongly about), i decided to write my own.


End file.
